Dare to... Understand More, Judge Less

 Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. Albert Einstein

Do you sometimes feel the judgmental parts of you constantly criticizing, sizing up, dismissing, and diminishing those around you. Outwardly, generally nice... helpful, polite, and funny, while internally not realizing just how much mental space and energy you're giving those internal judges... being bossy and mean.

However, your judgment of others is an extension of self-judgment, so ingrained, so normal, you don’t even recognize it.  You may be insecure with yourself, so you put other people down, or fear those who are different from you, so you judge them just because they are unlike you,  or maybe you're seeking a change in your life, but, in turn, are jealous of the changes you see others are making in their lives. When you catch yourself having a defining thought about someone, step back and use the following tips to help transform those judgments you may have:

                                                    1

Monitor your thoughts and think before you speak.

 Think about what you thinking about.

2

Look for the positive. Judgments are negative.

 There is almost always something positive 

you can find in someone or something. 

 3

Avoid stereotyping. Stereotypes are never, ever good.

 They really create a lot of negativity and you 

want to avoid being a part of that. 

4

Put the focus on your own life. Don't worry about what

 others are doing or wearing, etc. Think about your own life. 

Focus on what you want and go after it. When you're trying 

to avoid your own problems, it's easy to criticize others. Don't.

What you don't see or understand, is that your judgment leads to suffering - your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of you, your thoughts and your judgments. You cannot change their behavior. Next time remember how it feels to be judged and how it felt the last time you judged someone else. It doesn't feel good to judge or to be judged so put an end to it... right now. 

The act of judgment is an act of pride and because of pride, you refuse to correct course. Judging others is an act of monumental pride - enormous pride, stupendous pride, galling, astonishing, fantastic pride.  You've looked at the evidence and you've made a judgment - it must be right! There couldn't possibly be any other conclusion to arrive at but the one you've chosen, could there? You're better than that. Think again, I dare you to... understand more and judge less.

From My Inbox: Cell Phones and Early Aging

“Apparently we love our own cell phones but we hate everyone else’s.” ~ Joe Bob Briggs

Believe it or not, your cell phone is aging you before your time. It really is screwing up your skin. You feel panicked without it. But, according to an article in the July issue of Cosmo, your lifeline to your friends, family, and work can be seriously screwing up your skin. The large amount of blue-spectrum light emitted can disrupt your natural sleep cycle, the touch-screen trend has caused a rise in acne in the phone zone: temples, cheeks, and chin... the dirt and bacteria that live on your screen are transferred to your skin. And  then there's the text neck—a slack, untoned neck and jawline caused by a breakdown in collagen and elastin... the constant up-and-down movement when texting or Facebooking weakens that support structure and more.  Read on for some quick fixes for these nasty habits.

1. Squinting to read the small type on your screen. Increase your phone's font size to 20 points or bigger, if necessary and up your screen's brightness. 
2. You talk long enough for your phone to get hot while chatting. A headset (or speakerphone) is your best bet.
3. You must read that last work e-mail (or tweet or text) before bed. If you have trouble shutting down before bed, dim the intensity of your phone's light, or make use of the invert-colors feature (it turns your screen black and fonts white)—both reduce the brightness and amount of blue light. 
4. Pressing your face against your phone (telltale sign: oil or makeup slicks on your screen). Use earbuds, and clean your phone daily with an antibacterial wipes.
5. Constantly looking down to refresh your Instagram feed and group-chat. Hold your phone at eye level to minimize folding, and apply a skin-firming, peptide-rich cream on your jawline and neck twice a day.

Well, there it is and research shows the artificial light from your smartphone can make you look up to 10 years older because it messes with your body's ability to produce melatonin, the chemical responsible for making you sleepy. In another case, NYC Dermatologist Dendy Engelman, M.D. stated there were a surge of 20somethings visiting his practice with crows feet and 11 lines... those vertical furrows between the brows, which he says normally doesn't show up until your 30s or 40s, wow! So be careful on your cell phones and for more fixes for these issues and more see the July issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine.

Nutritionwise: Get Fired Up for Some Meatless Monday Grilling

These Meatless Monday Grilling Tips

 Will Fire You Up for a Healthy BBQ Season

As you fire up your BBQ throughout the summer, instead of the typical meat-focused fare why not cook up some grilled veggies instead? Vegetables are amazing on the grill, plus meatless grilling is an easy way to add vitamin-packed, healthy seasonal produce to your diet, which can help reduce your risk of certain chronic diseases. So get grilling and take a break from meat with these 10 easy summer grilling tips:

1. Many vegetables can be thrown right on the grill with just a light brushing of olive oil (with delicious results)! Fresh corn, tomatoes, asparagus, eggplant, zucchini, squash, bell peppers and jalapenos are just a few to try.
2. Kabobs are a BBQ staple that make the perfect meatless entree. Add tofu cubes, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, roasted potatoes or just about any other vegetable that strikes your fancy.
3. Grilled fruit is amazing too. For a sweet side dish or dessert, try peach halves, pineapples, plums, melon, kiwi, bananas, pears or figs with a touch of honey marinade.
4. Swap a hamburger for a portobello mushroom burger or grilled eggplant slices. Put the BBQ’d veggies on a bun and add your favorite toppings, like avocados, caramelized onions, roasted red peppers or an olive spread.
5. Try a veggie burger recipe that celebrates hearty ingredients like black beans, lentils, quinoa and chickpeas. You can also find healthy pre-made patties at supermarkets and natural food stores.
6. Make a delicious, smoky pizza pie right on the grill — all you need is pizza dough, sauce and your favorite vegetables thinly sliced or pre-grilled.
7. Use your favorite marinade recipe to add flavor to extra firm tofu cubes. Grill them up and add them to a salad, serve them with veggies or enjoy them on their own.
8. Add grilled vegetables to a filling summer salad. Garnish fresh lettuces with a bit of fruit, feta cheese and olive oil to complete the dish; or think beyond lettuce and whip up a bean or grain salad.
9. Consider your sides when planning a meatless BBQ. Pasta salads, raw vegetables and hummus dip are great ways to turn your plant-based dishes into a full meal.
10. End the meal on a healthy note with a tray of fresh fruit, a parfait or homemade smoothies.

Looking for even more great summer grilling ideas? Sample some of our favorite meatless burger ideas in our free online Monday Burgers Cookbook.

Personal Development: "Be All In and Give It All You've Got"

 "Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out if they've got a second. Give your dreams all you've got and you'll be amazed at the energy that comes out of you." - William James

If you want to succeed in anything you do, you must be all in.  It applies to everything you do. Give it everything you have, heart and soul. Whether it's in a team environment, in business, your significant other or spouse, but most  importantly, it really all begins with you. So, what do you have to do to be all in and give it all you've got?

1. Commit yourself. You must make a commitment to your goal, team, the people involved and the outcome.  Just having a passion or desire is not enough.  A desire is a want and that's it, just like a passion.  We desire, along with being passionate, all the time. But, how many of those desires or passions have you actually followed through on or acquired?  Wanting something is not enough and it certainly doesn’t mean being all in or giving it all you've got.  It’s more than words, wants or desires; it's a promise.  People of integrity and real leaders keep their promises, therefore honoring their commitment.
2.  Hold yourself accountable. True accountability can only come from you.  You're the only one who can hold you accountable.  And to make it work, you must allow others to hold you accountable as well.   Success is never found on your own, it always takes other people to help in one way or another.  If you're not willing to be held accountable to the commitment you have made or for what you have to do or say you're going to do, then you're not really all in and you're not giving it your all... it's that simple.
3. Be dependable. Being consistent with your word shows, not only others that you're trustworthy and dependable, but yourself too.  When people stand in support of you, they know they can count on you to do what you say you're going to do. You build trust with them. It's like this, if you can't count on someone to follow through, then you learn very quickly you can’t rely on them and you will foster little trust in them and eventually you won’t waste your time on them, right?  Well, that's how it is with you too... it's a two-way street! Be willing to be all in, because those that are all in will to have leave you behind if you're not dependable. They will not give up their commitment to achieve their dream for one who can’t give it their all.

What you really need to know by being all in or giving it all you've got, is that you can't quit or stop because things get rough or life becomes difficult and gets in the way.  There will always be excuses or reasons that can get in your way and stop you from doing anything, if you let it.  This maybe a good time to change you thoughts, behavior or attitude before you begin justifying your lack of commitment.  Your actions or lack thereof, will always speak louder than words.  Remember no one finds success on their own, help from other people is always needed, some way, some how.  There's no such thing as a self-made millionaire. So know where you're going, enjoy the journey, be all in … and give it all you've got all along the way.

Dare to... Practice Moderation

Virtue is a habit of the mind, consistent with nature and moderation and reason.  ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero


Being moderate is doing just enough for you... working enough and resting enough. I don't mean doing just enough by being mediocre or complacent, no, no... that would be going to the other extreme and that's not good.  Moderation simply means creating balance in your life. It means using self-discipline to keep from overdoing it, like stopping before you go overboard. But, moderation is even more than that. It's a specific kind of balance. It's being conscious and aware of what you're doing. And, recognizing that too much of any good thing is bad. Even a virtue, when pursued to excess, crowds out other virtues and causes harm.

When you practice moderation you have balance between insufficiency and excess. For example, while talking too much can be disruptive, not talking enough, you get ignored. And when there's a discussion, your special way of thinking about things will be missing from that discussion.  So, knowing the right balance is the key to moderation if you want to be kept from being blown about in the wind of your wishes and successes. Without moderation you can get swept away and damage yourself by things like drugs, alcohol, or crime, then becoming addicted, you want more and more and more.

The Inner Path: What Do You Expect?

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right." ~ Henry Ford

Do you have expectations for yourself, your future? What is an expectation? An expectation is a logical, or not so logical, way in which we want the events of our lives to unfold, how we think things should be, mostly because of the experiences we've had in the past.  Here is the concept of the power of beliefs and expectations... people tend to behave as you expect they will. What happens is you act in accordance with your expectations, which in turn, enables your expectations to become true.

Now, having expectations automatically makes something in your mind a destination. That's one reason to not sit on an antique-mindset or be narrow thinking.  If you do, your mind becomes closed and functions on conclusions, then, you cease to really learn about anything at all.  However, studies have shown that the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform and opposite of that... where as low expectations lead to a decrease in performance. Any way you look at it, they are forms of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  So as you can see, due to the feedback between belief and behavior, your expectation, either directly or indirectly, becomes true. 

And, when you have no expectations things just happen in your life... you really don’t “do” anything.  Well, maybe you make a strong determined resolution to do something, then soon become inattentive, and things just happen, then you rationalize why things did not work out the way you expected them to, umm!

Well understand this, we all live with a little censor that resides inside us, our inside voice, that is constantly comparing every little thing, and this comparing inevitably leads us to have many expectations.  However, your goal is to get positive results from your expectations, so when they do come true, they'll be what you expect and here's how you can do that.

Personal Development: Breaking Your Need For Approval

You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.
~ YOGI BHAJAN

The need for approval doesn't work.  It's a waste of time and kills freedom.  Don't let the desire to get people to like you motivate your choices and actions in life. People will tell you what you want to hear because they know why you're asking... they either see or hear your expression and don't want to disappoint you. Did you know that the need for approval could negatively impact your performance,causing you  to procrastinate, avoid doing important things, feel anxiety, fear, and get stuck in worry?  Your need for approval creates immense anxiety about the quality and value you provide and cause you to spend far too much time on tasks in order to perfect them. Your career and life could suffer.

You waste so much time and lose so many opportunities... either let the business go or learn how to live the truth in you. When you first start your business, social or otherwise, there is a craving for acceptance, but over time, if you keep this up, it could cause you to miss opportunities where, not only is the potential for reward high, but the possibility for criticism is equally large.  And if you're unable to speak your opinions or always avoiding disapproval or criticism, then this could significantly impact your success in a negative way. This is something you can, and dare I say, must change if you want to be happy in your life and successful in your business or chosen work. 

Below are three strategies to help you get to the place where you'd have a sound sense of self-acceptance and will no longer need to rely on the approval of others.

1. The first step is to strengthen your core foundation... your values and beliefs, so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you. This way, you'll no longer feel the need to look to others to feel good enough about your choices and decisions. Keep a self-appreciation journal, where you start acknowledging daily or a few times a week, the things you’re most proud of about yourself; choices you’ve made, insights you’ve learned, things you like about yourself, times you’ve stayed true to yourself, or whatever feels right for you.
2. Secondly, you need to practice letting go of seeking validation for your choices. This means you need to start noticing your own language, self-talk, and behavior towards you, and identify when it's coming from wanting someone else to say you’re okay, that you made the right choice, or that you did the right thing. When you do make a decision, check in with yourself that it feels right, remind yourself that it's your choice, and give yourself validation for just being you, and don't forget to notate it in your self-appreciation journal.
3. Lastly, start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment, whether you are doing it because it's “right” for you or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval. Sit down and evaluate your weekly tasks and ask yourself what's really necessary and important, verses what's driven by people pleasing. Then, slowly work through the “people pleasing” list and eliminate them.

It's time to break your need for approval from others and shift the focus to yourself more often.  Let go of needing others’ approval or at least, let go enough that it no longer sabotages your success. Once you move past this, you'll be free to achieve and create what you want in life with much less stress and effort. Focus your energy upon getting in touch with what really matters to you. Start to listen to what you really want in your life and act upon this to make it happen. Life becomes much more effortless when you're living in alignment with what's important to you.

Dare to... Fail, Then Dare to Succeed

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” ~ Robert F. Kennedy 

 

We all know that nobody likes to fail. But let's face it, whether it’s a job, a marriage, or a close friendship, failure is inevitable and can be devastating, but it’s how we learn.  We need to realize that it’s natural to fail... yep, as natural as breathing.  We may not always enjoy it, but it teaches us how to navigate through life. But at the same time, if you don’t take big chances or if you're not giving it your all, then be static and don’t expect anything big in return. If you’re scared to fail then you’ll never really know what you can achieve.  So take a look at some of the reasons many people fail to succeed and then at some ways to navigate through them to get you back on the track to being successful and achieving your goals.

Fearful No More

Most people are fearful of what others think, that’s why some don’t dare to take the necessary chances needed for success.  But if you’re willing to give your all for what you honestly and authentically believe is a good cause, then that’s when you can expect something in return.  Some fears are real and should be respected, but fears that are exaggerated and unfounded keep really keep you from truly experiencing your life and becoming fulfilled.  But at the same time you have to be ready to accept that you will not achieve it every time. The only way to achieve great things is to push yourself to the extent that you can’t any more. You have to aim for goals that don’t seem that easy to reach and be willing to admit to yourself that you really want these things that will not be easy to get.  Use your failure as an antidote to empower you with the ability to learn from your fear.

Comfort Zone Be Gone

It’s easier to settle for small things than bigger ones when you don’t want to fail. Failure does not feel good and a lot of people don’t want to risk that. However, if you do not risk failing, you cannot achieve anything that is outside your comfort range.   And the more attached we become to a particular outcome, the greater the disappointment when things fall apart. But if you stop trying new things, or only allow yourself to do what you’re good at, the life you lead may not look like the life you want.  Perhaps it's time to stretch those limits a little! By stretching your comfort zone, not only will your life become more exciting, but you'll also build confidence. Focus on the joy of doing something and not on the anticipated outcome. If it works out, great and if it doesn't, shrug it off and keep moving... next!

Give Yourself Permission to Fail

I get it,  you think your self esteem might drop or you might feel humiliated or embarrassed, but give yourself permission to fail, then “dare to succeed”... even if that means being sloppy, taking risks, or slipping up, because excellence comes from experience, and experience often comes from failure. It’s important to remember that failing at one thing, no matter how big, doesn’t make you a failure and that learning how to cope with smaller disappointments, like doing poorly on a test or getting a bad work review, can really help you when faced with truly difficult times. Failing can also encourage you to reflect on whether you’re on the right path, sorting out what’s working and what isn’t. Failing is a learning process... it's a journey.

Be honest with yourself and know that people make mistakes.  An Albert Einstein quote says, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”  So take a deep breath and know that you're imperfect, (everyone is), therefore your actions will be imperfect. Realize also that it’s NOT natural for you to go from point A to point B in one swift straight line. It’s natural for the journey to be all over the place, at first, but with time, it will get smoother...  as long as you make corrections based on the feedback you get.  So fail, then dare to succeed. Things in the beginning will not look straight at all, but as time goes on and your experience grows, you'll see your successes... so dare to... fail, then dare to succeed.

The Inner Path: Watch You in Action

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

Are you self-aware? Would you know if you were? Well if you're still pondering about who you are, what your passion or purpose is, then you need to stop searching and get to know you better, because self-awareness is not a goal, but a continual learning process. The better you understand yourself, the better you're able to accept or change who you are. 

How you see yourself just may be clouded by the feedback messages you receive about yourself from others. But how could anyone know more about you than you? You're in the dark about yourself when you're continuously getting caught up in your own internal struggles, such as mental or emotional drama about your upbringing or you're allowing outside forces, such as the media, including social media, societal norms and the friends you chose, to mould and shape you.

• Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. 

• Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

But to answer the question Who am I?, you must first learn to become more aware of yourself. To be aware, you must stop and pay attention to you and the things you do. You need to actually stop and objectively watch and experience yourself in action... yes, watch you in action. Here are some ways you can become more self-aware.

• Be honest with you. Look at past issues you've had with people and see where you might have messed up.  To do this, turn the focus back to yourself and see if there was something you did to push someone's buttons, start an argument, or prolong a disagreement. 
• Listen to what you say. When you do find yourself in an argument with a close friend, listen closely to what you are saying... you might have done something without even realizing it. If the person seem hurt, ask them to share their frustration with you so you can learn. If the relationship is done and over, then go back over the attitudes you've had toward them.  This would be a good time to reflect on your actions and admit that you had a part in how others treat you. 
• Understand your role. Self-awareness is important in your interpersonal relationships, but you also have to balance it. Use the act of self-reflection to determine how your actions affect your friendships, manners and self-esteem.  Don't do it to act as a martyr or take the blame for everything. Balance it by understanding your role and acknowledging the things you do or did wrong.  Relationships are a two way street, but taking responsibility for your actions will help you keep a harmonious social life.

Self-awareness means that you're clued into to what you really enjoy and dislike. Making changes in your behavior is much easier to do when you catch hold to those clues early in the dynamic.  Before the momentum of emotion has gathered steam you want to stop the emotional reactions and develop meaningful communication and respect in your relationships. So watch you in action and create self-awareness... create you and know you.

Dare to... Reinvent Yourself

“Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself, don’t swim in the same slough. Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself and stay out of the clutches of mediocrity. Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself, change your tone and shape so often that they can never categorize you. Reinvigorate yourself and accept what is but only on the terms that you have invented and reinvented. Be self-taught. And reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.”  ~ Charles Bukowski 

Reinvention means to change. It means taking something that's already here and making it look brand new.  It always amazes me when I meet people who are resistant to change. In many ways, that’s like being resistant to life itself. You see, life is in real time and by definition, that involves change. Many people go through a reinventions several times over their lives... leaving a job or a relationship, moving, losing a loved one, all signs that a change is needed, all major shifting in one's life, over time. We have to take control of who we will become or risk never reaching our full potential. But you have to choose reinvention.  You have to be willing to reinvent yourself.  Sometime the road isn't clear, but you may have to forge a new path deliberately and with vision. Don't just sit and wait for your future to find you because you could be waiting in vain, sadness and depression could set in or you could get tangled up in a bad situation.

You know you need to make some changes.  You know it's time, but you're having so much trouble moving forward partly because you have no idea what it is you want to move towards. You're stuck thinking about your past, when you should be thinking about your future. When you realize you're the master of your fate, and the captain of your soul, then you'll know that you and only you can control your future, instead of letting the pain of your past control you.  Here are three simple, but effective steps to help you reinvent yourself.