Leadership: Before You Can Do, You Must First Be

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. ~ Lao Tzo

You do know that learning no longer ends when you finish school or take your last exam? As a leader, you must commit to a life time of learning. And, if you consider yourself a leader, an expert, a specialist, on or off social media, then you must know that before you lead others you must lead yourself.  Many leaders never really lead as much as they say they do, but they, of course, take credit for the good... and dish out blame for the bad. 
 
However, sooner or later, you'll discover that leadership is more about who you are than what you do. Leadership of others begins with your internal leadership... yes, your internal leadership. You must fill up your cup before leading someone else... otherwise it'll just be the blind leading the blind. If you want to continue to grow you must continue developing yourself toward what you want to be as a human being.

Living Life|With Purpose

I'm talking about self-awareness.  Self-awareness provides you with the tools to achieve your goals in your personal life,  at work, with family and friends, in the community and with other social relationships.  Here are three tips to help you know yourself better and become the role model you need to be for those who look to you as a leader.

The Inner Path: It's Never too Late to Start... Anything!

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”~ Eric Roth, 

Have you ever found yourself saying, "Oh no, I’m too old for that,  Not at this time of my life or That ship has sailed." It's a pity that we adopt this belief through our own perceptions of what others view as acceptable for us... that age is seen as something of a restriction. It's never too late to begin again. Every moment is an opportunity to start over. Make an attempt and gain some clarity about what it is you want from life. With age comes responsibility but it also brings with it new outlooks on life. It brings with it feelings of self-awareness and clarity that may not have been there in your earlier years.

How old would you think you are if you didn’t know and couldn’t see yourself in the mirror? Age is just a number.  What’s important is how you feel. Your dreams and desires can take many years to truly form into something that resembles your true path, and that could continue for the rest of your life, but if you let age get in your way, then you may just be allowing that process to end too early... which would be terrible.  So never become too old to dream and have the confidence to act on those dreams at any time along your journey.  The concept to live your life fully does not end when you reach a certain age. 

Actually, the human spirit is constantly in a time of growth and challenge, in whichever form this takes, at whatever age you are, so embrace that challenge, even if it is to learn how to do nothing, which is actually much harder than it sounds. If there isn't anything to aspire or look forward to in life, we end up feeling like we're going nowhere, and we stagnate.  When I  feel this way I start a new project, no matter how small or insignificant.

Don't let those limiting thoughts of age hold you back from living the truly fruitful life you deserve. Age, if anything, is on your side, because as you grow older, your goals and dreams should really, by virtue of your life experiences, be more attainable.  Many people don't realize that it takes time to learn how to own your life, nurture your goals, and realize your dreams, but fortunately you have time if you’re willing to seize it.
 
There is no need to go back and make a brand new start... you can start from now and make a brand new ending for yourself. Get rid of the life you've planned so you can have the life that is waiting for you. Your old skin has to be shed before the new one can come... don't hold on to your past, it's gone. If you’re determined to do something, it's never too late to start. Don’t let age stop you from going after your dreams. You are never too old and it's never too late, to set another goal or to dream a new dream or to start... anything.

Dare to... Understand More, Judge Less

 Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. Albert Einstein

Do you sometimes feel the judgmental parts of you constantly criticizing, sizing up, dismissing, and diminishing those around you. Outwardly, generally nice... helpful, polite, and funny, while internally not realizing just how much mental space and energy you're giving those internal judges... being bossy and mean.

However, your judgment of others is an extension of self-judgment, so ingrained, so normal, you don’t even recognize it.  You may be insecure with yourself, so you put other people down, or fear those who are different from you, so you judge them just because they are unlike you,  or maybe you're seeking a change in your life, but, in turn, are jealous of the changes you see others are making in their lives. When you catch yourself having a defining thought about someone, step back and use the following tips to help transform those judgments you may have:

                                                    1

Monitor your thoughts and think before you speak.

 Think about what you thinking about.

2

Look for the positive. Judgments are negative.

 There is almost always something positive 

you can find in someone or something. 

 3

Avoid stereotyping. Stereotypes are never, ever good.

 They really create a lot of negativity and you 

want to avoid being a part of that. 

4

Put the focus on your own life. Don't worry about what

 others are doing or wearing, etc. Think about your own life. 

Focus on what you want and go after it. When you're trying 

to avoid your own problems, it's easy to criticize others. Don't.

What you don't see or understand, is that your judgment leads to suffering - your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of you, your thoughts and your judgments. You cannot change their behavior. Next time remember how it feels to be judged and how it felt the last time you judged someone else. It doesn't feel good to judge or to be judged so put an end to it... right now. 

The act of judgment is an act of pride and because of pride, you refuse to correct course. Judging others is an act of monumental pride - enormous pride, stupendous pride, galling, astonishing, fantastic pride.  You've looked at the evidence and you've made a judgment - it must be right! There couldn't possibly be any other conclusion to arrive at but the one you've chosen, could there? You're better than that. Think again, I dare you to... understand more and judge less.

The Inner Path: Watch You in Action

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

Are you self-aware? Would you know if you were? Well if you're still pondering about who you are, what your passion or purpose is, then you need to stop searching and get to know you better, because self-awareness is not a goal, but a continual learning process. The better you understand yourself, the better you're able to accept or change who you are. 

How you see yourself just may be clouded by the feedback messages you receive about yourself from others. But how could anyone know more about you than you? You're in the dark about yourself when you're continuously getting caught up in your own internal struggles, such as mental or emotional drama about your upbringing or you're allowing outside forces, such as the media, including social media, societal norms and the friends you chose, to mould and shape you.

• Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. 

• Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

But to answer the question Who am I?, you must first learn to become more aware of yourself. To be aware, you must stop and pay attention to you and the things you do. You need to actually stop and objectively watch and experience yourself in action... yes, watch you in action. Here are some ways you can become more self-aware.

• Be honest with you. Look at past issues you've had with people and see where you might have messed up.  To do this, turn the focus back to yourself and see if there was something you did to push someone's buttons, start an argument, or prolong a disagreement. 
• Listen to what you say. When you do find yourself in an argument with a close friend, listen closely to what you are saying... you might have done something without even realizing it. If the person seem hurt, ask them to share their frustration with you so you can learn. If the relationship is done and over, then go back over the attitudes you've had toward them.  This would be a good time to reflect on your actions and admit that you had a part in how others treat you. 
• Understand your role. Self-awareness is important in your interpersonal relationships, but you also have to balance it. Use the act of self-reflection to determine how your actions affect your friendships, manners and self-esteem.  Don't do it to act as a martyr or take the blame for everything. Balance it by understanding your role and acknowledging the things you do or did wrong.  Relationships are a two way street, but taking responsibility for your actions will help you keep a harmonious social life.

Self-awareness means that you're clued into to what you really enjoy and dislike. Making changes in your behavior is much easier to do when you catch hold to those clues early in the dynamic.  Before the momentum of emotion has gathered steam you want to stop the emotional reactions and develop meaningful communication and respect in your relationships. So watch you in action and create self-awareness... create you and know you.