Dare to... Practice Moderation

Virtue is a habit of the mind, consistent with nature and moderation and reason.  ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero


Being moderate is doing just enough for you... working enough and resting enough. I don't mean doing just enough by being mediocre or complacent, no, no... that would be going to the other extreme and that's not good.  Moderation simply means creating balance in your life. It means using self-discipline to keep from overdoing it, like stopping before you go overboard. But, moderation is even more than that. It's a specific kind of balance. It's being conscious and aware of what you're doing. And, recognizing that too much of any good thing is bad. Even a virtue, when pursued to excess, crowds out other virtues and causes harm.

When you practice moderation you have balance between insufficiency and excess. For example, while talking too much can be disruptive, not talking enough, you get ignored. And when there's a discussion, your special way of thinking about things will be missing from that discussion.  So, knowing the right balance is the key to moderation if you want to be kept from being blown about in the wind of your wishes and successes. Without moderation you can get swept away and damage yourself by things like drugs, alcohol, or crime, then becoming addicted, you want more and more and more.

The Inner Path: What Do You Expect?

"Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right." ~ Henry Ford

Do you have expectations for yourself, your future? What is an expectation? An expectation is a logical, or not so logical, way in which we want the events of our lives to unfold, how we think things should be, mostly because of the experiences we've had in the past.  Here is the concept of the power of beliefs and expectations... people tend to behave as you expect they will. What happens is you act in accordance with your expectations, which in turn, enables your expectations to become true.

Now, having expectations automatically makes something in your mind a destination. That's one reason to not sit on an antique-mindset or be narrow thinking.  If you do, your mind becomes closed and functions on conclusions, then, you cease to really learn about anything at all.  However, studies have shown that the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform and opposite of that... where as low expectations lead to a decrease in performance. Any way you look at it, they are forms of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  So as you can see, due to the feedback between belief and behavior, your expectation, either directly or indirectly, becomes true. 

And, when you have no expectations things just happen in your life... you really don’t “do” anything.  Well, maybe you make a strong determined resolution to do something, then soon become inattentive, and things just happen, then you rationalize why things did not work out the way you expected them to, umm!

Well understand this, we all live with a little censor that resides inside us, our inside voice, that is constantly comparing every little thing, and this comparing inevitably leads us to have many expectations.  However, your goal is to get positive results from your expectations, so when they do come true, they'll be what you expect and here's how you can do that.

Personal Development: Breaking Your Need For Approval

You are very powerful, provided you know how powerful you are.
~ YOGI BHAJAN

The need for approval doesn't work.  It's a waste of time and kills freedom.  Don't let the desire to get people to like you motivate your choices and actions in life. People will tell you what you want to hear because they know why you're asking... they either see or hear your expression and don't want to disappoint you. Did you know that the need for approval could negatively impact your performance,causing you  to procrastinate, avoid doing important things, feel anxiety, fear, and get stuck in worry?  Your need for approval creates immense anxiety about the quality and value you provide and cause you to spend far too much time on tasks in order to perfect them. Your career and life could suffer.

You waste so much time and lose so many opportunities... either let the business go or learn how to live the truth in you. When you first start your business, social or otherwise, there is a craving for acceptance, but over time, if you keep this up, it could cause you to miss opportunities where, not only is the potential for reward high, but the possibility for criticism is equally large.  And if you're unable to speak your opinions or always avoiding disapproval or criticism, then this could significantly impact your success in a negative way. This is something you can, and dare I say, must change if you want to be happy in your life and successful in your business or chosen work. 

Below are three strategies to help you get to the place where you'd have a sound sense of self-acceptance and will no longer need to rely on the approval of others.

1. The first step is to strengthen your core foundation... your values and beliefs, so that you feel strong enough to go with what feels right for you. This way, you'll no longer feel the need to look to others to feel good enough about your choices and decisions. Keep a self-appreciation journal, where you start acknowledging daily or a few times a week, the things you’re most proud of about yourself; choices you’ve made, insights you’ve learned, things you like about yourself, times you’ve stayed true to yourself, or whatever feels right for you.
2. Secondly, you need to practice letting go of seeking validation for your choices. This means you need to start noticing your own language, self-talk, and behavior towards you, and identify when it's coming from wanting someone else to say you’re okay, that you made the right choice, or that you did the right thing. When you do make a decision, check in with yourself that it feels right, remind yourself that it's your choice, and give yourself validation for just being you, and don't forget to notate it in your self-appreciation journal.
3. Lastly, start being honest with yourself when you take on a new task or commitment, whether you are doing it because it's “right” for you or because you want to get approval and avoid disapproval. Sit down and evaluate your weekly tasks and ask yourself what's really necessary and important, verses what's driven by people pleasing. Then, slowly work through the “people pleasing” list and eliminate them.

It's time to break your need for approval from others and shift the focus to yourself more often.  Let go of needing others’ approval or at least, let go enough that it no longer sabotages your success. Once you move past this, you'll be free to achieve and create what you want in life with much less stress and effort. Focus your energy upon getting in touch with what really matters to you. Start to listen to what you really want in your life and act upon this to make it happen. Life becomes much more effortless when you're living in alignment with what's important to you.

Dare to... Fail, Then Dare to Succeed

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” ~ Robert F. Kennedy 

 

We all know that nobody likes to fail. But let's face it, whether it’s a job, a marriage, or a close friendship, failure is inevitable and can be devastating, but it’s how we learn.  We need to realize that it’s natural to fail... yep, as natural as breathing.  We may not always enjoy it, but it teaches us how to navigate through life. But at the same time, if you don’t take big chances or if you're not giving it your all, then be static and don’t expect anything big in return. If you’re scared to fail then you’ll never really know what you can achieve.  So take a look at some of the reasons many people fail to succeed and then at some ways to navigate through them to get you back on the track to being successful and achieving your goals.

Fearful No More

Most people are fearful of what others think, that’s why some don’t dare to take the necessary chances needed for success.  But if you’re willing to give your all for what you honestly and authentically believe is a good cause, then that’s when you can expect something in return.  Some fears are real and should be respected, but fears that are exaggerated and unfounded keep really keep you from truly experiencing your life and becoming fulfilled.  But at the same time you have to be ready to accept that you will not achieve it every time. The only way to achieve great things is to push yourself to the extent that you can’t any more. You have to aim for goals that don’t seem that easy to reach and be willing to admit to yourself that you really want these things that will not be easy to get.  Use your failure as an antidote to empower you with the ability to learn from your fear.

Comfort Zone Be Gone

It’s easier to settle for small things than bigger ones when you don’t want to fail. Failure does not feel good and a lot of people don’t want to risk that. However, if you do not risk failing, you cannot achieve anything that is outside your comfort range.   And the more attached we become to a particular outcome, the greater the disappointment when things fall apart. But if you stop trying new things, or only allow yourself to do what you’re good at, the life you lead may not look like the life you want.  Perhaps it's time to stretch those limits a little! By stretching your comfort zone, not only will your life become more exciting, but you'll also build confidence. Focus on the joy of doing something and not on the anticipated outcome. If it works out, great and if it doesn't, shrug it off and keep moving... next!

Give Yourself Permission to Fail

I get it,  you think your self esteem might drop or you might feel humiliated or embarrassed, but give yourself permission to fail, then “dare to succeed”... even if that means being sloppy, taking risks, or slipping up, because excellence comes from experience, and experience often comes from failure. It’s important to remember that failing at one thing, no matter how big, doesn’t make you a failure and that learning how to cope with smaller disappointments, like doing poorly on a test or getting a bad work review, can really help you when faced with truly difficult times. Failing can also encourage you to reflect on whether you’re on the right path, sorting out what’s working and what isn’t. Failing is a learning process... it's a journey.

Be honest with yourself and know that people make mistakes.  An Albert Einstein quote says, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”  So take a deep breath and know that you're imperfect, (everyone is), therefore your actions will be imperfect. Realize also that it’s NOT natural for you to go from point A to point B in one swift straight line. It’s natural for the journey to be all over the place, at first, but with time, it will get smoother...  as long as you make corrections based on the feedback you get.  So fail, then dare to succeed. Things in the beginning will not look straight at all, but as time goes on and your experience grows, you'll see your successes... so dare to... fail, then dare to succeed.

The Inner Path: Watch You in Action

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

Are you self-aware? Would you know if you were? Well if you're still pondering about who you are, what your passion or purpose is, then you need to stop searching and get to know you better, because self-awareness is not a goal, but a continual learning process. The better you understand yourself, the better you're able to accept or change who you are. 

How you see yourself just may be clouded by the feedback messages you receive about yourself from others. But how could anyone know more about you than you? You're in the dark about yourself when you're continuously getting caught up in your own internal struggles, such as mental or emotional drama about your upbringing or you're allowing outside forces, such as the media, including social media, societal norms and the friends you chose, to mould and shape you.

• Self Awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, beliefs, motivation, and emotions. 

• Self Awareness allows you to understand other people, how they perceive you, your attitude and your responses to them in the moment.

But to answer the question Who am I?, you must first learn to become more aware of yourself. To be aware, you must stop and pay attention to you and the things you do. You need to actually stop and objectively watch and experience yourself in action... yes, watch you in action. Here are some ways you can become more self-aware.

• Be honest with you. Look at past issues you've had with people and see where you might have messed up.  To do this, turn the focus back to yourself and see if there was something you did to push someone's buttons, start an argument, or prolong a disagreement. 
• Listen to what you say. When you do find yourself in an argument with a close friend, listen closely to what you are saying... you might have done something without even realizing it. If the person seem hurt, ask them to share their frustration with you so you can learn. If the relationship is done and over, then go back over the attitudes you've had toward them.  This would be a good time to reflect on your actions and admit that you had a part in how others treat you. 
• Understand your role. Self-awareness is important in your interpersonal relationships, but you also have to balance it. Use the act of self-reflection to determine how your actions affect your friendships, manners and self-esteem.  Don't do it to act as a martyr or take the blame for everything. Balance it by understanding your role and acknowledging the things you do or did wrong.  Relationships are a two way street, but taking responsibility for your actions will help you keep a harmonious social life.

Self-awareness means that you're clued into to what you really enjoy and dislike. Making changes in your behavior is much easier to do when you catch hold to those clues early in the dynamic.  Before the momentum of emotion has gathered steam you want to stop the emotional reactions and develop meaningful communication and respect in your relationships. So watch you in action and create self-awareness... create you and know you.

Dare to... Reinvent Yourself

“Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself, don’t swim in the same slough. Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself and stay out of the clutches of mediocrity. Invent yourself and then reinvent yourself, change your tone and shape so often that they can never categorize you. Reinvigorate yourself and accept what is but only on the terms that you have invented and reinvented. Be self-taught. And reinvent your life because you must; it is your life and its history and the present belong only to you.”  ~ Charles Bukowski 

Reinvention means to change. It means taking something that's already here and making it look brand new.  It always amazes me when I meet people who are resistant to change. In many ways, that’s like being resistant to life itself. You see, life is in real time and by definition, that involves change. Many people go through a reinventions several times over their lives... leaving a job or a relationship, moving, losing a loved one, all signs that a change is needed, all major shifting in one's life, over time. We have to take control of who we will become or risk never reaching our full potential. But you have to choose reinvention.  You have to be willing to reinvent yourself.  Sometime the road isn't clear, but you may have to forge a new path deliberately and with vision. Don't just sit and wait for your future to find you because you could be waiting in vain, sadness and depression could set in or you could get tangled up in a bad situation.

You know you need to make some changes.  You know it's time, but you're having so much trouble moving forward partly because you have no idea what it is you want to move towards. You're stuck thinking about your past, when you should be thinking about your future. When you realize you're the master of your fate, and the captain of your soul, then you'll know that you and only you can control your future, instead of letting the pain of your past control you.  Here are three simple, but effective steps to help you reinvent yourself.

Personal Development: Leadership as A Lifestyle

 All Leadership is influence. ~ John C. Maxwell

Leadership skills are not only for your workplace, but should be used in all areas of your life. In your role at work, as a spouse, a mom, however challenging they may be, your exposure to them helps create the leader in you.  Embracing those areas of your life where you have a leadership role helps you to lead better.  Living a leadership lifestyle will set you apart from others as someone who is in charge, capable and intently driven. It puts you in a place where others watch what you do, look to you for direction and notice if your actions are in line with your beliefs.
 

Living Life|With Purpose

Being intentional and focused, which are, by the way, fundamental traits of a leader, will not only clarify goals for those around you, but inspire those you are directing, to tune into your vision...whereby, illuminating your influence. A lifestyle of leadership in your own  home, alone, can teach your child how his or her contributions; such as doing chores, contributing to family meetings, and participating in family activities, fit into the big picture and can lead to a lifetime of success. There are a few simple but important rules to follow when applying leadership skills  as a lifestyle, at work and in life.

1. Walk the walk. You give your words real meaning when you act on them yourself.  When you act out the concepts you say you believe in, whether at work, home, volunteering or wherever, you show that something is true through your actions. Not only are your employees watching you, but your family is also; your kids and your spouse. Always keep the phrase, "actions speak louder than words", close to you.  A lifestyle leader, who believes in and lives by the principles he or she defends, will inspire results. 
2. Focus on one simple concept or goal. While your company, family or group may have more than just one goal, focusing on one in particular will put everyone involved in the same mindset. Naming a single goal likely will actually answer a lot of questions about specific scenarios. By singling in on one goal at a time you won't have too much going on and it keeps motivation in check.  Having to much going on often leads to you splitting your focus and nothing getting done.  A leader will eliminate the picking and choosing of projects, trading difficult responsibilities for easier ones or skipping out on chores at home. Formulating one clear, result-oriented goal that could be achieved in a specific time, is the best way to get results, whether with subordinates at work or in your home with family. 

Dare to.... Be at the Top of Your Game

It's easier to go down a hill than up it but the view is much better at the top.
Henry Ward Beecher

Dare to...

Are you at the top of your game?  Are you doing really well, doing extraordinarily well? Maybe you're a doctor and you've been recognized as the best in your field. A well respected lawyer who's a partner in a top firm. Perhaps you're a super stay-at-home mother and the envy of all the parents at the playground. Dreams don’t come true unless you are motivated enough to work towards your goals and strive persistently until they are accomplished. As the road to success gets tougher, most people lose heart and soon give up on their dreams, but keeping your eye on your vision and working diligently will propel you to the top where the view is much better.

But if you are doing extraordinarily well; where you have achieved that kind of recognition and success, you're considered to be at the top of your game.  As notable psychologist, author and speaker, Dr. Robin says it's easy to become arrogant... it can go to your head, but you shouldn't. "You don't have to be a jerk because you are excellent; you don't have to be a jerk because you do it better," she says. "You don't have to be a snob; you don't have to act in that oh-so-powerful way if you are at the top of your game."  Dr. Robin says those really at the top of their game, in every way possible, are people who are:

• compassionate 

• willing to share their expertise 

• great role models for anyone looking to find success.

"Partner your passion, your purpose with your skill set, and you will be a winner and at the top of your game." Dr. Robin Smith

You want to be at the top of your game? Just apply the very strong, intense emotion or desire you have inside of you to something you love to do, to your intentional or voluntary behavior of active awareness, with the ability you have to do something well, whether it arises from talent, or acquired through training. And as Dr. Robin implied, just leave out the arrogant, full of yourself attitude and add some compassion, be willing to share, and be a role model to any. You can do it... I dare you.

Nutritionwise: Nutrition on Purpose

“To eat is a necessity, but to eat intelligently is an art.” -La Rochefoucauld

Nutrition on Purpose

We all know that good nutrition helps us achieve good health and well being, with the ultimate purpose of good nutrition being to stay alive and to avoid disease. However, food is not just about physical nutrition, it also has an emotional, mental, and spiritual component. Some may call it holistic nutrition, whereas all aspects of your needs, including psychological, physical and social should be taken into account and therefore seen as a whole. Holistic nutrition views food, eating, wellness, and exercise not just in terms of calories or weight loss, but in physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual terms.

Just think about how hard it would be to experience clarity, subtle insight, or even a calm state of mind when there's heaviness, sluggishness and fogginess in our bodies, or when turned around...  being too hyper or too wired with excess energy in our bodies.  A poor diet creates sluggishness in our digestion, in our energy level, and in mental activity.  To be alert, aware and clear is what we should want from our food.

 “Our food should be our medicine and our medicine should be our food.” – Hippocrates

So therein lies the motivation to be purposeful to choose to eat nutrient-dense and appropriate food.  The benefits of healthy skin, good energy, strong bodies, good sleep, etc are derived from a healthy diet, but the deeper purpose is much greater.  Ask yourself these three questions when you approach your next meal to see where you stand on being intentional and purposeful when choosing foods for your next meal and your whole health.